How To Explore Sexual Fantasies

Sexual fantasies are defined as any mental imagery that is erotic or arousing to the person having the sexual fantasy.  It could be an elaborate affair or a fleeting thought about how your partner looked that morning.  

Sexual fantasies are perfectly natural and normal.  In fact, most surveys indicate that 100% of men and women experience sexual fantasies.  It may also surprise you to know that the most common sexual fantasy is sex with a current partner.  When you consider that sexual fantasies aren’t just outrageous fantasy sex, but also includes every time you think about sex and feel aroused, it makes sense that we would think more about the person we’re currently in love with.

Sexual fantasies are an important part of overall sexual health.  Research links having sexual fantasies with sexual satisfaction. Coming up with sexual fantasies isn’t easy for everyone.  Just as some of us are more creative with writing and music, so it is with sexual fantasy ideas. However, with a spirit of adventure, working together it’s easy to come up with a fantasy you can both enjoy together.  Sexual fantasies can open up a new world of sexual possibilities.  

While sexual fantasies can enhance relationships, they can also be detrimental if not handled properly.  Consider the following before initiating fantasy play into your relationship. 

1. Start Slow
Begin by simply talking with your partner about your fantasies.  A fun way to do this is to write your fantasies down on small slips of paper, then fold them up and drop them in a bag.  Take turns pulling them out and reading them to each other. 

Keep in mind that a fantasy is just that, a fantasy (not reality).  A fun, imaginative thought.  However some fantasies may cause insecurities in the relationship, and may be better left unsaid.  Only share those fantasies that both of you can enjoy thinking about together.  For example, if your fantasy involves a friend or relative, keep it to yourself.   If you’re uncertain to how your partner might feel about your fantasy, frame your fantasy as a fun, abstract sexual thought, not something you would consider doing in real life.  If his/her reaction is open, you can explore it further.  Often times, your partner may be more receptive to your fantasies than you anticipate.

Another good place to start exploring fantasies is by reading erotica, such as 8 Erotic Nights.  Read it together.  It will give you eight unforgettable nights of sensual activities to expand your capacity to enjoy pleasure and deepen your connection.  Additionally, erotic fiction is packed full of fantasies.  Check out Bawdy Bedtime Stories or Dirty Girls Erotical For Women.  When you read erotic fiction together in bed, talk about the stories and see where things go.

2. Brainstorm Together
Fantasies don’t need to violate or threaten your personal value system.  Consider spicing up your relationship within the context of your values by simply role playing in a safe, controlled and comfortable way.  Begin by discussing
1. Who would you want to be?
2. What is the scenario?
3. How can you dress up?
4. What is your motivation? (think like an actor)
5. What are the ground rules

Have some fun discussing the possibilities and decide together what sounds like the most fun.  Prepare ahead of time (costumes, childcare, etc.).  You’ll find the anticipation is part of the excitement.

Get inspired by some of our Sensual Kits which include everything you need to create a fun-filled fantasy.  The Coleccion Deluxe Agent Secret where you pretend to be secret agents discovering each other’s sexual secrets or the Coleccion Deluxe Regard Indiscret where you become a sexy model and photographer.  Both are delightful and easy for anyone to pull off.

3. Find Agreement
In order for fantasy play to work, everyone involved must be comfortable with it.  Mutual consent and comfort are essential.  Never impose your fantasy onto an unwilling partner.  When your partner is not comfortable with your fantasy, listen to seek understanding.  Once you understand your partner’s concerns you will likely be able to find some common ground that both of you can feel good about.  

Most often you can come up with a version of the fantasy that feels comfortable for your partner.  For example, if your partner fantasizes about group sex, and you have no interest in group sex, perhaps you two can make love while a group sex DVD is playing in the background.  Ultimately, if acting out your fantasy is unacceptable to your partner, and you cannot come up with an acceptable alternative, you’ll need to decide what is more important to you:  respecting your partner’s feelings or acting out your fantasy.  Relationships are built on trust and respect.  Contempt and manipulation will only undermine it.   

In some instances it may be necessary to let go of acting out a fantasy and simply keep your fantasy to yourself, enjoying it in the confines of your own mind.  In other instances, you may decide it’s time to find another partner who is more sexually compatible.

4. Create a Word That Stops The Role Play
Unpredictability is part of the fun of role plays, however it’s important to have a way of communicating when someone wants to call it off and stop the role play.  Come up with a word, any word, that you both agree to as the “override” word.  The word might be “Pink” or “Lightbulb”, you decide, just make sure it’s a word that you normally wouldn’t use during sex play.  The important thing is that you both trust that when the word is uttered, for any reason, the role play stops immediately.

While some fantasies are best kept private, others can be explored with a spirit of creative adventure and mutual respect.  Use your imagination and have some fun pretending!